Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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