please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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