and i looked up. we had an audience...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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