My room smells like vodka and shame
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
