Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
