We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i love accidental penises.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
