Say something about gay babies.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
