If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
