Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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