After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I understand Curling. That high.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
