I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
