She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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