you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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