My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
