I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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