There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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