Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
