shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
