I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
