he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
