I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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