Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
