I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize