You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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