we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
