im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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