Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
