what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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