Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
