There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
