dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
