Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
