The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
