just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
