I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All the doctor said was why
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
