Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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