He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
