They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
