Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
