4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
