Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
