I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
