I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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