i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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