if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
