Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
