Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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