Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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