so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
