did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize