Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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