So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize