Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
