I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
