I heard we made out
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
