I puked a lego.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
