it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
