i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
