btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
