If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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