dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
