We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
