I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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