So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You did what with his pubic hair?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
