So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize