I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
