Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
