Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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