i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
