this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
