If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize