i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
