coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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