Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
