im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
