it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize