you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sarcasm needs its own font
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
