If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
