Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
