Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
