Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
