So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
